第一章 与人相处的基本技巧
如欲采蜜，请勿打翻蜂巢
与人相处的秘诀
激发他人的强烈需求
第二章 如何让别人喜欢你
到处受欢迎的方法
给人良好印象的简单方法
牢记他人的名字
学会倾听他人讲话
如何增加你对别人的吸引力
如何使人即刻喜欢你
第三章 制造奇迹的信函
Part One Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
Chapter 1 -"If You Want To Gather Honey, Don''t Kick Over The
Beehive"
Chapter 2 -The Big Secret Of Dealing With People
Chapter 3 -"He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who
Cannot Walks A Lonely Way"
Part Two Ways To Make People Like You
Chapter 4 -Do This And You''ll Be Welcome Anywhere
Chapter 5 -A Simple Way To Make A Good First
Impression
Chapter 6 -If You Don''t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble
Chapter 7 -An Easy Way To Become A Good
Conversationalist
Chapter 8 -How To Interest People
Chapter 9 -How To Make People Like You Instantly
Part Three Letters That Produced Miraculous Results
参考文献
內容試閱：
如欲采蜜，请勿打翻蜂巢
1931年5月7日，纽约发生了一桩该市有史以来最为轰动的剿匪事件。警方经过几个星期的搜捕，终于擒获了被称为“双枪杀手”的科洛雷，捉住他的地点是位于西尾街，是他情人的寓所，这个杀手是一个不嗜烟酒的人。
150名警方人员与侦探包围了科洛雷在顶楼的藏匿地点。他们在屋顶上凿出一个洞，打算用催泪瓦斯把科洛雷逼出来，并且把机关枪架在四周的建筑物上。双方僵持了一个多小时之后，这幢原本优美清静的纽约高级住宅响起了枪声，还有机关枪“哒——哒——哒——”的声音。那位“警察克星”科洛雷就蹲伏在一张堆满杂物的大沙发后面，对着警方开枪射击。成千上万名激动不安的市民拥上街道观看这场枪战，这是整个纽约市前所未有的激烈壮观的场面。
科洛雷就擒后，纽约市警察局局长马洛里发表谈话时表示：科洛雷这个恶徒是纽约有史以来最具威胁性的罪犯。“他动不动就开枪杀人，他杀人时，连眼睛都不眨一眨。”局长如此说道。但是，这个恶徒对自己是怎样看的呢？那天，围攻的警察向公寓开枪的时候，科洛雷正在写一封公开信，他如此写道：“在我外衣里面隐藏的是一颗疲惫的心，这是一颗善良的心，一颗不会伤害任何人的心。”当他写这封信的时候，从伤口流出的鲜血把纸染成了深红色。
就在科洛雷被捕之前，他和女友开车在长岛的一个乡村公路上寻欢作乐时，突然有个警察走上前去，向科洛雷说道：“请出示你的驾驶执照。”
科洛雷一句话也不说，掏出手枪向着这个警察连开数枪。警察身中数弹倒地，科洛雷跳下车，从警察身上找出左轮枪，又向警察的身上开了一枪。这难道就是他自己所说的“在我的外衣里面隐藏的是一颗疲惫的心，这是一颗善良的心，一颗不会伤害任何人的心”吗？
这个杀人恶徒最终被判处了死刑——坐电椅。当他到达放着电椅的辛辛监狱（美国关押重罪犯人的监狱）的时候，有没有说“这就是我杀人的代价”之类的话呢？没有！他反而说：“这就是我自卫的结果。”科洛雷直到生命的最后一刻，根本不认为自己有什么过错。
美国大名鼎鼎的黑社会头子阿尔卡普曾说过这样一段话：“这之所以会变成亡命之徒，那是因为我把我一生当中最美好的岁月用来为别人带来快乐，让大家有个幸福的时光，可不幸的是我得到的却是侮辱和唾骂。”这个黑社会头子后来在芝加哥被处决，他对自己的行为也不曾自责。他自认为造福人民——只是社会误解他，不接受他而已。
达奇?舒尔茨也是一个同样类型的人，他臭名昭著，被人称为“纽约之鼠”，后来因江湖恩怨被自己的敌人杀死，他生前接受报社记者采访时也自认为自己是造福民众的好人。
我曾和纽约辛辛监狱的监狱长刘易斯就这个问题通过几次信。他表示：在辛辛监狱里的犯人很少认为自己是坏人。他们和你我一样，都是人，都会为自己辩解。他们会解释他们为什么要撬开保险箱，为什么要开枪杀人。绝大多数人都能为自己的所作所为找出理由，不管是否真的有理，总要为自己的恶行辩解一番。因此，他们的结论是：他们根本不应该被关进监狱里。
假如像阿尔卡普、科洛雷、达奇?舒尔茨这些为非作歹的人，以及许多关在监狱里的亡命之徒，他们从不为自己的行为自责，我们又怎么去强求我们日常所接触的一般人呢？
已经去世的约翰?华纳梅克曾经承认：“在30年前，我就已经明白，批评别人是愚蠢的行为。我并不埋怨上帝对智慧的分配不均，因为要克服自己的缺陷都已经非常困难了。”
华纳梅克早就领悟到了这一点，但是我在这个冷漠的世界中探索了30多年，才有所醒悟：不论一个人做错了什么事，100次中有99次不会自责，而且不论他的错误是何等严重。
举世闻名的心理学家史金勒通过对动物进行实验，得出的结果是：因好行为受到奖赏的动物，其学习速度快，持续力也更久；因坏行为而受处罚的动物，则不论速度或持续力都比较差。研究显示，这个原则用在人身上也有同样的结果。批评不但不会改变事实，反而只会招致愤恨。
另一位伟大的心理学家希勒也说：“更多的证据显示，我们总是希望得到别人的赞扬，同样我们也都害怕受人指责。”因批评而引起的羞愤，常常使雇员、亲人和朋友的情绪大为低落，并且对应该矫正的事实状况，一点儿也没有好处。
俄克拉荷马州的乔治?约翰逊是一家营建公司的安全检查员，约翰逊的职责之一就是检查工地上的工人是否戴上安全帽。据他报告，每当他发现工人在工作时不戴安全帽，他便利用职务上的权威要求工人改正，这样做的结果是受指正的工人常显得不高兴，而且等他一离开，便又把帽子拿掉。
后来约翰逊决定改变方式。当他再看见工人不戴安全帽的时候，便问是否帽子戴起来不舒服或帽子尺寸不合适，并且用和悦的口气提醒工人戴安全帽的重要性，然后要求他们在工作的时候为了安全，最好把安全帽戴上，这样的效果果然比以前好了很多，也没有工人不高兴了。
类似这样的事件真是举不胜举。现在就让我们再举个例子：西奥多?罗斯福和塔夫脱总统之间有段众所周知的争论——这场争论导致了共和党的分裂，而将伍德洛?威尔逊送进了白宫，并在第一次世界大战中写下了辉煌的一页。我们简单地来回顾一下这段历史：1908年，罗斯福从白宫搬了出来，共和党的塔夫脱当选为总统，而罗斯福则到非洲去猎狮子了。当他回到美国后，看到塔夫脱执政的作风很保守，不禁暴跳如雷。罗斯福除了公然抨击塔夫脱之外，还做好了再度出来竞选总统的准备，并打算另组“进步党”。但是这几乎导致共和党的瓦解。果然，在接下来的选举中，共和党只赢得了弗蒙特州和犹他州这两个区的选票，这是共和党有史以来遭受的空前的失败。
罗斯福谴责塔夫脱，但是塔夫脱会承认自己有错吗？当然不会，他眼含着泪水为自己辩解道：“我不知道我所做的一切有什么不对。”
下面让我们再重温一个重要的事件，这个事件让公众舆论为此批评了许多年，几乎整个国家都为之震惊。在这代人的记忆中，在美国政坛上还没有出现过这类丑闻。这个事件就是：油田舞弊案。事实是这样的：哈丁总统的内政部长阿尔伯特?弗尔，当时受权主管政府在阿尔克山丘和茶壶盖地区油田的出租事宜，那是政府预备未来海军用油的保留地。弗尔部长是不是进行了公开招标呢？没有，他干脆把这份优厚的合同交给了他的朋友杜梅克。而杜梅克则“借”给了弗尔部长100000美元的“贷款”。然后，弗尔部长利用职权，令美国海军进入该区，把那些有意投标的竞争者赶走，免得周围的油井吸干阿尔克山丘的原油。这些竞争者被强行赶走了，他们只好走上法庭，揭发100000美元的茶壶盖油田舞弊案。这桩丑闻轰动了全美国，几乎毁了哈丁总统的政府，共和党也几乎垮台，而弗尔部长也锒铛入狱。
弗尔部长遭到了公众的谴责，在他的公务生涯中，以前从来没有遭到如此强烈的谴责。那么，他反悔了吗？没有，一点儿都没有!甚至包括他周围的人。许多年以后，当胡佛总统在一次公开演讲中提到哈丁总统之死是由于神经受到过度刺激和忧虑，因为一个朋友出卖了他。当时，弗尔的夫人从椅子上跳了起来，她大声叫嚷，失声痛哭，攥紧拳头说道：“哈丁是被弗尔出卖的吗？不，我的丈夫从来没有辜负过任何人。即使这整座房间都堆满了黄金，都不会使我的丈夫去背叛。是别人出卖了他，他才被钉上十字架充当牺牲品的。”
讲到这里你可能会明白，这就是人类的天性！做错了事之后只知道责怪别人，绝不会责备自己。其实我们每个人都是如此。因此，当你和我以后想要批评别人的时候，就不要忘了阿尔卡普、“双枪手”科洛雷和弗尔。我们要了解，批评就好比驯熟的鸽子，它们到时候总是要回家寻找主人的。我们还应该清楚，我们所要纠正和指责的人总是会自我辩护，并反过来指责我们；温和一些的或许会像塔夫脱总统那样，说：“我不知道我该怎样做才能和我以前所做的有所不同。”
1865年4月15日，星期六清晨，林肯奄奄一息地躺在福特戏剧院对面的一家廉价客栈的睡床上，濒临死亡的边缘。有人在戏院用枪击中了他。林肯瘦长的身子斜躺在那张短床上，床的上方，挂着罗莎波南的名画《马市》的廉价复制品，屋里一盏煤气灯闪着惨淡的黄晕。
当林肯即将咽气的时候，陆军部长史坦顿说：“这里躺着的是人类有史以来最完美的统治者。”
林肯为人处世的成功秘诀是什么呢？我对林肯的一生研究了10年，而且花了整整3年时间写作、润饰了一本书《人性的光辉》。我敢肯定我已尽了世间的一切可能，对林肯的性格和居家生活做了详细、透彻的研究，尤其对林肯待人处世的方法更有心得。林肯喜欢批评人吗？的确是这样，他住在印第安纳州湾谷的时候，年纪尚轻，不仅喜欢评论是非，还写信写诗讽刺别人。他常把写好的信丢在当事人很容易发现的乡间路上。
林肯在伊州春田镇做见习律师的时候，仍然在报纸上发表文章公开攻击敌视他的人。
1842年秋天，他又写文章对一位自视甚高的政客詹姆士?席尔斯进行挖苦讽刺。林肯在《春田时报》刊出了一封匿名信，讽刺他一番，令镇上的人都捧腹大笑起来。席尔斯是个敏感而骄傲的人，看到这封信后怒不可遏，最后查出写信的人是林肯，他跳上马，去找林肯，向他提出决斗。林肯迫于情势并为了维护荣誉，只好接受挑战。他有选择武器的权利，由于手臂长，他选择了骑兵的长剑，并且向一位西点军校的毕业生学习剑术。决斗的那一天，他们在密西西比河岸碰面，准备决斗，幸好在最后时刻他们的同伴阻止了这场决斗。
这是林肯一生中最惊心动魄的一桩事，这也让他在为人处世方面学到了无价的一课。从此他再也没有写过一封侮辱人的信件，他不再取笑任何人了，从那时起，他没有为任何事批评过任何人。
美国内战期间，林肯好几次更换波多马克军的将领，但这些将军相继惨败，令林肯失望至极。全国有半数的人，都在痛骂那些差劲的将军，但林肯却一声不吭，不作任何表态。他最喜欢的一句名言是：“不要评议别人，别人才不会评议你。”
当林肯太太和其他人对南方人士有所非议的时候，林肯回答说：“不要批评他们，如果我处在同样的情况下，大概也会跟他们一样。”
1863年7月初的3天，盖茨堡战役打响了，到了7月4日晚上，南方的李将军开始向南方撤退的时候，黑云密布，大雨倾盆。当他带着挫败之军，退到波多梅克时，发现面临一条猛涨而无法通过的河流，而身后又是一支胜利的北军。李将军被围住了，他无法逃脱。林肯看出了这点——这是一个天赐良机，一个消灭李将军的军队、立即结束战争的机会。因此，林肯满怀希望地命令格兰特不要召开军事会议，而立即攻击李将军。林肯以电话下令，又派出一名特使去见格兰特，要他立即采取行动。
而格兰特将军又是怎么做的呢？他的做法正好和所接到的命令相反。他违反林肯的命令，召开了一次军事会议。他迟疑不决，一再拖延，还给林肯打电话，用尽了各种借口，拒绝攻击李将军，最后，河水退了，李将军带着他的军队越过波多梅克河，顺利南逃了。
林肯勃然大怒。“这是怎么回事？”林肯对着儿子罗勃咆哮，“老天爷，这是什么意思？他们在我们的掌握中，我们只要伸出手来，他们就是我们的了；但我无论说什么或做什么，都无法使我们的军队移动一步。在那种情况下，几乎任何一个将领都可以击败李将军。如果我在那儿的话，我也可以让他束手就擒。”
在恼怒，失望之余，林肯坐下来，给格兰特将军写了一封信。别忘了，这一时期的林肯，言论措辞都比以前要保守和自制。所以，这封写于1863年的信，已经表达了林肯内心的极端不满。
我亲爱的将军：
我想你肯定体会不到李将军的逃脱所引起的严重不幸。他本来就在我们轻易掌握之中，只要他一就擒，加上我们最近所获得的胜利，战争到此就可以宣告结束了。可是现在，战事可能将无限期地延长下去，上星期一你不能顺利擒得李将军，如今他逃到波多梅克之南，你又如何能保证成功呢？期盼你会成功是不明智的，而我也并不期盼你现在会做得更好。良机一去不复返，为此我深感遗憾。
你想，如果格兰特读到这封信的时候会有什么反应？
而事实上，格兰特一直没有看到这封信，因为林肯根本没有把它发出去。这封信是在林肯死后，在他的文件中被人找到的。
“我的猜想是……这仅是我的猜想……”林肯把这封信写完以后，透过窗户望着窗外，心里想，“慢着，也许我不该这么性急。坐在安静的白宫里发号施令是非常容易的事情，但假如我当时是在盖茨堡，假如我在上星期，也跟格兰特一样，见到遍地血腥，假如我听到伤兵的悲号，也许我也不会如此急着去进攻了。也许我跟格兰特一样的柔弱，我的做法可能就会跟他的相同了。无论如何，现在木已成舟了。如果我发出这封信，固然可发泄我的不快，但是除此之外，没有别的用处，格兰特会为自己辩护，会反过来攻击我，这只有使大家都不痛快，甚至会破坏他身为指挥官的效力，而且也许会迫使他干脆辞职不干了。”
因此，就像我上面所说的，林肯把这封信放在一旁，因为他从痛苦的经验中学到，尖刻的批评和斥责几乎永远都是无济于事的。
西奥多?罗斯福总统说，在他任总统期间，每当碰到棘手的问题，他常往后一靠，抬头望望挂在白宫办公室墙上那张林肯的巨幅画像，问他自己：“如果林肯也像我一样处在这种情况下，他将怎么办？他将如何解决这个问题？”
当我还很年轻的时候，总喜欢在别人面前表现自我，力图给别人留下深刻的印象，所以写了一封可笑的信给察哈丁?戴维斯，他一度在美国文坛上红得发紫，我当时正着手写有关作家们的杂志文章，我请戴维斯告诉我他的写作方式。在这之前，我收到一个人的来信，信末写道：“口述信，尚未过目。”这话留给我很深的印象，显示此人是个了不起的大忙人又具重要性。于是，我在给戴维斯的信后也加了这么一句话，实际上，我当时一点也不忙，只是想给戴维斯留下比较深刻的印象。
戴维斯根本不花心思回我的信，只是把我的信退回来，在尾端草草写着：“你的轻慢无礼表现得无以复加。”没错，我确实是弄巧成拙了，真是咎由自取。然而，身为一个凡人，我当时很有些恼怒，甚至在10年后还耿耿于怀，当我获悉戴维斯的死讯时，我心中所想的仍然是他带给我的伤害。
如果你想引起一场令人至死难忘的怨恨的话，那是一件非常容易的事情，只要发表一点刻薄的见解就可以了。
跟别人相处的时候，我们要记住，我们所相处的人不是绝对理性的，而是充满了情绪的变化、成见、自负和虚荣。
刻薄的批评曾使得英国著名的小说家托马斯?哈代放弃了写作。批评使得英国诗人托马斯?查特登走向自杀。
本杰明?富兰克林年轻时并不善于交际，但后来却变得富有外交手腕，在与人交往中得心应手，因而成了美国驻法大使。他的成功秘诀是：“我不说任何人的坏话，只说人家的好处。”
只有那些不够聪明的人才批评、指责和抱怨他人——确实是这样，很多愚蠢的人都这么做。然而，只有具备了修养自制的功夫才能够做到善解人意和宽恕别人。
托马斯?卡莱尔说过：“一个伟大的人，以他对待小人物的方式，来表达他的伟大。”
鲍勃?胡佛是个有名的试飞驾驶员，时常在航空展览中表演空中特技。一次，他在圣地亚哥表演完后，准备飞回洛杉矶。正如《飞行》杂志所描写的，在空中300米的高度，两具引擎突然熄灭了。凭借娴熟的驾驶技艺，他总算化险为夷，操纵着飞机着了陆，所幸没有人受伤，但飞机严重损坏。
在迫降之后，胡佛第一个行动是检查飞机的燃料。正如他所料到的，他所驾驶的这架第二次世界大战时期的螺旋桨飞机里面，装的居然不是汽油，而是喷气机燃油。
回到机场，胡佛要求见见为他保养飞机的机械师。那位年轻的机械师为所犯的错误愧悔不已。一见到胡佛，他的眼泪便顺着面颊流下。他不但把一架昂贵的飞机毁了，甚至差点导致3人丧命。
你可以想象胡佛当时的愤怒，并猜想这位荣誉心极强、凡事都要求精细的著名飞行员一定会痛斥这位粗心大意的机械师。但是胡佛并没有责骂和批评他，相反，他用手臂围住那位机械师的肩膀，对他说：“为了表明我相信你不会再犯错误，我要你明天再为我保养F51飞机。”
让我们尽量去了解别人，而不要用责骂的方式吧！让我们尽量设身处地地去想，他们为什么要这样做。这比批评更为有益，而这也孕育了同情、容忍以及仁慈。“全然了解，就是全然宽恕”。
正如约翰博士也说过：“要知道，即使是上帝，如果不到世界末日，他也不会轻易审判世人。”为什么你我都要批评别人呢？
因此，从现在开始，请你记住待人处世的第一个技巧：
不要批评、指责或抱怨别人。 Part One
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
Chapter 1 - "If You Want To Gather Honey, Don''t Kick Over
The Beehive"
On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had
ever known had come to its climax. After weeks of search, "Two Gun"
Crowley - the killer, the gunman who didn''t smoke or drink -was at
bay, trapped in his sweetheart''s apartment on West End
Avenue.
One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his
top floor hideway. They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to
smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with teargas. Then they
mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more
than an hour one of New York''s fine residential areas reverberated
with the crack of pistol fire and the rut-tat-tat of machine guns.
Crowley, crouching behind an over-stuffed chair, fired incessantly
at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle.
Nothing like it ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New
York.
When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney
declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous
criminals ever encountered in the history of New York. "He will
kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather." But how
did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the
police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed
"To whom it may concern, " And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from
his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In this letter
Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one
that would do nobody any harm."
A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party
with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly
a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your
license."
Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman
down with a shower of lead. As the dying officer fell, Crowley
leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer''s revolver, and fired
another bullet into the prostrate body. And that was the killer who
said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that
would do nobody any harm.''
Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair. When he arrived at
the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, "This is what I get for
killing people"? No, he said: "This is what I get for defending
myself." The point of the story is this: "Two Gun" Crowley didn''t
blame himself for anything.
"I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter
pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse,
the existence of a hunted man." That''s Al Capone speaking. Yes,
America''s most notorious Public Enemy- the most sinister gang
leader who ever shot up Chicago. Capone didn''t condemn himself. He
actually regarded himself as a public benefactor - an unappreciated
and misunderstood public benefactor.
And so did Dutch Schultz before he crumpled up under gangster
bullets in Newark. Dutch Schultz, one of New York''s most notorious
rats, said in a newspaper interview that he was a public
benefactor. And he believed it.
I have had some interesting correspondence with Lewis Lawes, who
was warden of New York''s infamous Sing Sing prison for many years,
on this subject, and he declared that "few of the criminals in Sing
Sing regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you
and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why
they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. Most of
them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to
justify their antisocial acts even to themselves, consequently
stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at
all."
If Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley, Dutch Schultz, and the desperate
men and women behind prison walls don''t blame themselves for
anything - what about the people with whom you and I come in
contact?
John Wanamaker, founder of the stores that bear his name, once
confessed: "I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold.
I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without
fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute
evenly the gift of intelligence."
Wanamaker learned this lesson early, but I personally had to
blunder through this old world for a third of a century before it
even began to dawn upon me that ninety-nine times out of a hundred,
people don''t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong
it may be.
B. F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his
experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn
much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively
than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown
that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make
lasting changes and often incur resentment.
Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, "As much as we
thirst for approval, we dread condemnation,"The resentment that
criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and
friends, and still not correct the situation that has been
condemned.
George B. Johnston of Enid, Oklahoma, is the safety coordinator
for an engineering company, One of his responsibilities is to see
that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in
the field. He reported that whenever he came across workers who
were not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of
authority of the regulation and that they must comply. As a result
he would get sullen acceptance, and often after he left, the
workers would remove the hats.
He decided to try a different approach. The next time he found
some of the workers not wearing their hard hat, he asked if the
hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly. Then he reminded
the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to
protect them from injury and suggested that it always be worn on
the job. The result was increased compliance with the regulation
with no resentment or emotional upset.
You will find examples of the futility of criticism bristling on
a thousand pages of history, Take, for example, the famous quarrel
between Theodore Roosevelt and President Taft - a quarrel that
split the Republican party, put Woodrow Wilson in the White House,
and wrote bold, luminous lines across the First World War and
altered the flow of history. Let''s review the facts quickly. When
Theodore Roosevelt stepped out of the White House in 1908, he
supported Taft, who was elected President. Then Theodore Roosevelt
went off to Africa to shoot lions. When he returned, he exploded.
He denounced Taft for his conservatism, tried to secure the
nomination for a third term himself, formed the Bull Moose party,
and all but demolished the G.O.P. In the election that followed,
William Howard Taft and the Republican party carried only two
states - Vermont and Utah. The most disastrous defeat the party had
ever known.
Theodore Roosevelt blamed Taft, but did President Taft blame
himself? Of course not, with tears in his eyes, Taft said: "I don''t
see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
Or, take the Teapot Dome oil scandal. It kept the newspapers
ringing with indignation in the early 1920s. It rocked the nation!
Within the memory of living men, nothing like it had ever happened
before in American public life. Here are the bare facts of the
scandal: Albert B.Fall, secretary of the interior in Harding''s
cabinet, was entrusted with the leasing of government oil reserves
at Elk Hill and Teapot Dome -oil reserves that had been set aside
for the future use of the Navy.Did secretary Fall permit
competitive bidding? No sir. He handed the fat, juicy contract
outright to his friend Edward L. Doheny. And what did Doheny do? He
gave Secretary Fall what he was pleased to call a "loan" of one
hundred thousand dollars. Then, in a high-handed manner, Secretary
Fall ordered United States Marines into the district to drive off
competitors whose adjacent wells were sapping oil out of the Elk
Hill reserves. These competitors, driven off their ground at the
ends of guns and bayonets, rushed into court - and blew the lid off
the Teapot Dome scandal. A stench arose so vile that it ruined the
Harding Administration, nauseated an entire nation, threatened to
wreck the Republican party, and put Albert B. Fall behind prison
bars.
Fall was condemned viciously - condemned as few men in public
life have ever been. Did he repent? Never! Years later Herbert
Hoover intimated in a public speech that President Harding''s death
had been due to mental anxiety and worry because a friend had
betrayed him.When Mrs. Fall heard that, she sprang from her chair,
she wept, she shook her fists at fate and screamed: "What! Harding
betrayed by Fall? No! My husband never betrayed anyone. This whole
house full of gold would not tempt my husband to do wrong. He is
the one who has been betrayed and led to the slaughter and
crucified."
There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming
everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and I
are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, let''s remember Al
Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley and Albert Fall. Let''s realize that
criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let''s
realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will
probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or,
like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don''t see how I could have done
any differently from what I have."
On the morning of April 15, 1865, Abraham Lincoln lay dying in a
hall bedroom of a cheap lodging house directly across the street
from Ford''s Theater, where John Wilkes Booth had shot him.
Lincoln''s long body lay stretched diagonally across a sagging bed
that was too short for him. A cheap reproduction of Rosa Bonheur''s
famous painting The Horse Fair hung above the bed, and a dismal gas
jet flickered yellow light.
As Lincoln lay dying, Secretary of War Stanton said, "There lies
the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen."
What was the secret of Lincoln''s success in dealing with people?
I studied the life of Abraham Lincoln for ten years and devoted all
of three years to writing and rewriting a book entitled Lincoln the
Unknown. I believe I have made as detailed and exhaustive a study
of Lincoln''s personality and home life as it is possible for any
being to make. I made a special study of Lincoln''s method of
dealing with people. Did he indulge in criticism? Oh, yes. As a
young man in the Pigeon Creek Valley of Indiana, he not only
criticized but he wrote letters and poems ridiculing people and
dropped these letters on the country roads where they were sure to
be found. One of these letters aroused resentments that burned for
a lifetime.
Even after Lincoln had become a practicing lawyer in Springfield,
Illinois, he attacked his opponents openly in letters published in
the newspapers.
In the autumn of 1842 he ridiculed a vain, pugnacious politician
by the name of James Shields. Lincoln lamed him through an
anonymous letter published in Springfield Journal. The town roared
with laughter. Shields, sensitive and proud, boiled with
indignation. He found out who wrote the letter, leaped on his
horse, started after Lincoln, and challenged him to fight a duel.
Lincoln didn''t want to fight. He was opposed to dueling, but he
couldn''t get out of it and save his honor. He was given the choice
of weapons. Since he had very long arms, he chose cavalry
broadswords and took lessons in sword fighting from a West Point
graduate; and, on the appointed day, he and Shields met on a
sandbar in the Mississippi River, prepared to fight to the death;
but, at the last minute, their seconds interrupted and stopped the
duel.
That was the most lurid personal incident in Lincoln''s life. It
taught him an invaluable lesson in the art of dealing with people.
Never again did he write an insulting letter. Never again did he
ridicule anyone. And from that time on, he almost never criticized
anybody for anything.
Time after time, during the Civil War, Lincoln put a new general
at the head of the Army of the Potomac, and each one in turn -
McClellan, Pope, Burnside, Hooker, Meade - blundered tragically and
drove Lincoln to pacing the floor in despair. Half the nation
savagely condemned these incompetent generals, but Lincoln, " One
of his favorite quotations was "Judge not, that ye be not
judged."
And when Mrs. Lincoln and others spoke harshly of the southern
people, Lincoln replied: "Don''t criticize them; they are just what
we would be under similar circumstances."
The Battle of Gettysburg was fought during the first three days
of July 1863. During the night of July 4, Lee began to retreat
southward while storm clouds deluged the country with rain. When
Lee reached the Potomac with his defeated army, he found a swollen,
impassable river in front of him, and a victorious Union Army
behind him. Lee was in a trap. He couldn''t escape. Lincoln saw
that. Here was a golden, heaven-sent opportunity-the opportunity to
capture Lee''s army and end the war immediately. So, with a surge of
high hope, Lincoln ordered Meade not to call a council of war but
to attack Lee immediately. Lincoln telegraphed his orders and then
sent a special messenger to Meade demanding immediate action.
And what did General Meade do? He did the very opposite of what
he was told to do. He called a council of war in direct violation
of Lincoln''s orders. He hesitated. He procrastinated. He
telegraphed all manner of excuses. He refused point-blank to attack
Lee. Finally the waters receded and Lee escaped over the Potomac
with his forces.
Lincoln was furious, " What does this mean?" Lincoln cried to his
son Robert. "Great God! What does this mean? We had them within our
grasp, and had only to stretch forth our hands and they were ours;
yet nothing that I could say or do could make the army move. Under
the circumstances, almost any general could have defeated Lee. If I
had gone up there, I could have whipped him myself."
In bitter disappointment, Lincoln sat down and wrote Meade this
letter. And remember, at this period of his life Lincoln was
extremely conservative and restrained in his phraseology. So this
letter coming from Lincoln in 1863 was tantamount to the severest
rebuke.
My dear General,
I do not believe you appreciate the magnitude of the misfortune
involved in Lee''s escape. He was within our easy grasp, and to have
closed upon him would, in connection With our other late successes,
have ended the war. As it is, the war will be prolonged
indefinitely. If you could not safely attack Lee last Monday, how
can you possibly do so south of the river, when you can take with
you very few-no more than two-thirds of the force you then had in
hand? It would be unreasonable to expect and I do not expect that
you can now effect much. Your golden opportunity is gone, and I am
distressed immeasurably because of it.
……
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