Tricia Goyer is the author of twelve books of
fiction and nonfiction, including the Gold Medallion finalist
Life Interrupted. Tricia writes for Today’s Christian
Woman and Focus on the Family, speaks numerous times
each year to women’s groups, and has been a workshop presenter at
the Mothers of Preschoolers MOPS national convention.
Generation NeXt Marriage is the companion book to the
popular Generation NeXt Parenting. Tricia and her husband,
John, live with their family in northwestern Montana.
內容試閱：
I was in the sixth grade in 1983 when Billy Idol’s song “White
Wedding” hit the charts. I remember doodling designs for my wedding
dress on the cover of my English book. Funny thing though: Somehow,
I forgot to daydream about what would happen after I married my
Prince Charming. I forgot that a marriage follows the
wedding.
Growing up during the 1970s and ’80s, I remember hearing Billy
Idol’s wedding song and, oh, about 2,573 other songs about love.
“Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer, “Crazy Little Thing Called
Love” by Queen, “Groovy Kind of Love” by Phil Collins…to name just
a few. Yet I can’t think of a single romantic song that addressed
the day-in day-out of marriage. Or commitment. Or forever “I
do.”
Now that’s messed up.
Not too surprisingly, I wasn’t thinking about forever commitments
when I became sexually active in high school. Or when I dumped
“loser” boyfriends and exchanged them for better models. Or when I
broke many hearts and found mine broken as well. In fact, I didn’t
think much about marriage until after I was married in 1989, at age
eighteen. I’d signed up for the “I do” after finding someone
“safe.” Someone who loved me and my son. Someone who had a
relationship with the God I was just starting to know.
I fell in love with my new beau, John. And he was great! I had a
grand time planning the wedding… And then I woke up one day with
this guy sleeping beside me and What now? going through my head. As
someone raised by a mom and stepdad who were already contemplating
divorce on my wedding day, I couldn’t think ahead to what the next
year held for John and me, let alone the next fifty years. I wanted
the best marriage possible, but I had no idea how to make that
happen. That, my friends, is an anxiety-filled, confusing place to
live.
The Scoop on This Book
You may wonder how this book differs from other marriage books
out there. For one, I’m not the head of any marriage organization,
nor do I have a national radio broadcast. I don’t have a degree in
psychology or training in marriage enrichment. I’m just a Gen Xer
who’s written a lot about parenting, life, and marriage over the
last ten years. But perhaps my best credential is the fact that
John and I have been married for seventeen years. Quite a statement
for a thirty-five-year-old!
Although many of our friends’ marriages have ended in divorce,
John and I are still together. We support each other’s careers.
We’re raising a God-loving family. We volunteer in our church as a
team. And most important, we’re more in love now than the day we
got married.
But if I were to gush about how we’ve “done everything right,”
I’d be lying. And you most likely wouldn’t want to read another
word. After all, Gen Xers have a hard time relating to perfection.
Maybe it’s because we’re so very far from it. And we know deep down
that everyone else is too. To be truthful, the last seventeen years
haven’t been all cupcakes and sprinkles.
To put it bluntly, John and I were young and dumb when we got
married or at least I was. And we’ve made a lot of mistakes
mostly me. But we made a commitment to see this thing through. To
work for our marriage. To love the other person even when he or she
seems unlovely.We’ve dealt with many of the same struggles as other
young couples, including but not limited to:
communication problems
money woes
emotional burdens from past relationships
struggles with in-laws and out-laws
the joys and anxiety of raising kids
even my draw toward an ex-boyfriend
Without a doubt, this is the hardest book I’ve ever written. My
novels are stories I create in my head; they contain make-believe
characters who make plenty of mistakes. The children’s and
devotional books I write are just plain fun. Even Generation NeXt
Parenting felt like a breeze compared to writing about my glaring
relationship faults. Sure, I shared my struggles with parenting in
that book, but now it’s time to share my secrets. Yikes!
I noticed something else while writing this book. Most of the
topics in Generation NeXt Parenting are ones you can talk about
with any other parent you meet at McDonald’s, but this book goes
deep and delves into intimate topics—things you share in confidence
with your small group or a dear friend…maybe.
What This Book Is About…
In this book, you won’t find me talking about how to “fix” your
spouse or your marriage. Instead, I’m going to talk about our
generation, married and grown up—our strengths, our weaknesses, our
similarities, and our desire to succeed where so many of our
parents and role models failed. I’m also going to dig into God’s
Word to find hope and help. The idea emerged after I noticed how
different my marriage is from those of previous generations.
Different doesn’t mean wrong…it just means different.
Personally, I find myself wanting to do it all—love my spouse,
discover God’s purpose for my life, make a difference in my
community, build a career, and provide my children with every
opportunity. But is that possible while still achieving a semblance
of balance? Each of us needs encouragement and help when dealing
with the most complex relationship we’ll ever commit to in our
lifetime.
Neil Clark Warren—a writer who knows his stuff—issued a challenge
in his book The Triumphant Marriage: that each year we commit to
making our marriages 10 percent better.1 I like that. Hey, who
knows? Maybe you’ll even get to 11 percent with the help of this
book!
"Today’s society views marriage as a contract or a legal
arrangement. The marriage covenant has been all but eliminated in
the world’s eyes. To me, that makes marriage the last line of
defense for our Christian faith in this secular world. It convicts
me to make my marriage the absolute best it can be and to show
other couples what a great marriage looks like so they’ll want it
too." —Chris, born in 1974 Florida, married thirteen years
"Sometimes I think Gen Xers have had more realistic expectations
than other generations when it comes to marriage. Seems like my
parents’ generation had high expectations, and many of them got out
when reality set in. I have a lot of hope for my generation. I
believe our low divorce rate will stay low. We are fighters, and we
don’t need things to be perfect. Most of our relationships have not
lived up to our expectations boyfriends, girlfriends, parents,
etc.. When our marriage relationships don’t live up to our
expectations, I don’t think we’ll be too shocked." —Jennifer, born
in 1969 Wisconsin, married thirteen years.
The Facts
How the Generations Break Down
GI: Born 1900s to 1920s
Silent: Born 1920s to 1940s
Boomer: Born 1940s to 1960s
Xer: Born 1960s to 1980s
Millennial: Born 1980s to 2000s2
The Facts About Gen Xers
? Gen Xers consist of 41 million Americans born between 1961 and
1981, plus the 3 million more in that age group who have immigrated
here.
? Gen Xers are serious about life. We don’t take life as it
comes, but give great consideration to critical decisions about our
present and future. When it comes to marriage, we want to do it
right. We take marriage seriously because half of us were raised in
homes where our parents divorced.
? Gen Xers are stressed out. We want to do it all…now. And when
we do, we find ourselves overwhelmed—work, family, and the
technostress that 247 communication such as cell phones, e-mail,
and instant messaging has brought about. We’ve bought into
following our dreams and finding our purpose. Yet we struggle to
balance our
spouse, kids, ministry, work, and service.
? Gen Xers love to volunteer, to give, to help, to make a
difference! In fact, a recent study revealed that out of different
age groups who volunteer regularly, the percentage of Gen Xers was
higher than any other 31.2 percent. And that doesn’t even account
for those who volunteer on more than one committee.
? Gen Xers are self-reliant, yet highly spiritual. We’re
skeptical, yet eager to apply what we do believe to our everyday
lives. We’re realistic, not idealistic. Our faith has to be truly
lived out or we won’t buy into it.
? According to a recent George Barna study, only 28 percent of
Gen Xers ages 20–37 attend church, compared to 51 percent of
Builders 58+. Yet a Newsweek article recently suggested that “81
percent of Gen X mothers and 78 percent of fathers say they plan
eventually to send their young child to Sunday school or some other
kind of religious
training.”
Gen X: The Married Life… Who Would’ve Thought?
The facts are in. The generation that once bore labels such as
“slacker” and “grunge” has gone G-rated. Once Gen Xers get serious
about life, family now means the most to us. Marriage matters. And
we want not just an okay marriage, but one filled with love,
commitment, and care.
Yet as Gen Xers, we—more than any other generation—also have a
hard time understanding just how to accomplish that. Divorce
skyrocketed in our nation during our formative years, doubling the
rate of the prior generation. Growing up, we set a new standard for
sexual activity as teens, and we bore more kids out of wedlock. I
confess to both.
And some of us have already experienced one or more divorces.
“Statistics show that of every ten marriages in America today, five
...
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